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31

OBITUARY: 2013 CARDINALS CLUTCH HITTING

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By Chris Gardner:

 

The 2013 St. Louis Cardinals opportunistic bats passed away late last night in Boston at the very young age of seven months.  Clutch hitting, as it was known to fans (but not sabermatricians), went without much of a fight while battling the Red Sox in the World Series for six games.  Producing a MLB record .330 average with runners in scoring position during the regular season, Clutch could only muster a .214 mark in the Fall Classic after batting .349 during the same situations in the NLCS win over the Dodgers.

“When we needed the big hit, we couldn’t get it…hate to end it this way,” said Cards All-Star second baseman Matt Carpenter.

Redbirds manager Mike Matheny added, “They got the big hit from different people in their lineup, that’s something that eluded us this time and hasn’t really all season.”

Remembrances will be held throughout the Gateway City and Cardinal Nation for the duration of the offseason, followed by a burial in Jupiter, Florida early next year.

In lieu of flowers, suggestions for fixing the issue may be directed to the office of Cardinals Senior Vice President and General Manager John Mozeliak.  Having said that, he may not respond.

Clutch is survived by the 2004 Cardinals postseason lineup.

 


 

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